


Change of Pace

by orphan_account



Category: Homestar Runner
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Comedy, F/M, Fingerfucking, First Time, Genderbending, Humor, Oral Sex, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-02
Updated: 2011-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-22 03:18:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I did a challenge a few months back. The idea was to incorporate a variety of fanfic cliches into a porno. I only ended up writing one, and this is it. The cliches are genderbending, and sex up against a wall. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change of Pace

**Author's Note:**

> This is a humanized alternate universe. Whether or not it was caused by Homestar's smoothie is up to you. I'm not really concerned. But Homestar has arms, Strong Bad has fingers, they all have hair and no one has a speech impediment. Whatever. It's clearly not cartoon canon, that is basically what I am saying!

Strong Bad hadn't intended to deconstruct the universe, but Strong Sad didn't seem to believe him.

“Oh, come on, how was I supposed to know a blender, some plutonium and a Gameboy Color would send us here?” he ranted, motioning around the stark white nothingness around them. Strong Sad scowled at him, cradling the items in question in his arms.

“There is no 'here',” he pointed out. “'Here' is nothing. You just better hope the frappe button undoes what you did.”

“Yeah, sure,” Strong Bad snorted. “These things always work out. And anyway, it's totally Homestar's fault.”

“Hey!” Homestar protested, hands on his hips. “It was your Gameboy that did it.”

“I somehow think the plutonium made a bigger contribution than Super Wario World,” Strong Bad snapped. “What possessed you to put plutonium in my blender?”

“...I was making a smoothie.”

“A _plutonium_ smoothie?”

“Who are you, the smoothie police?”

Strong Sad sighed harshly. “Will you two shut up and grab my hand? I'm gonna hit the button, and if we're not all in direct contact with the blender, we'll be left here to not-exist.” He held out his hand, which Strong Bad took begrudgingly. Homestar hooked his into Strong Bad's freehand, who was seriously regretting the decision to hit the 'whip' button just to see what would happen.

Homestar pushed the frappe button, accidentally pressing down the adjacent button with it. He let a meek 'oops' before the three blinked out of the white and back into Strong Bad's computer room.

The blender dropped to the floor and Strong Sad looked himself over, patting himself down. “No extra limbs,” he muttered. He felt his ears. “And we're not elves. Seems things are in order.”

“Good, because I have some serious e-mails to be checking,” Strong Bad snorted. He rubbed his throat. “Woah, what's with the acoustics in here? Did my ceiling get higher?”

Homestar and Strong Sad were staring at him, expressions a bit blank. He raised an annoyed eyebrow. “What's with you two? Stop looking at me like that, it's creeping me out.”

“Strong Bad?” Homestar asked incredulously. “Is that... is that _you?_ ”

“Um, yeah. Doi. Who else would I be?” he asked, irritated now. Strong Sad still seemed speechless.

“...I dunno, your hot twin... sister, maybe?” He slipped off his shirt and held it out to him, averting his eyes. “You should put this on, I think.”

“Sister?” Strong Bad repeated. “What the crap are you talking about? I'm not....” He reached for the shirt, noticing his painted finger nails. A deep pink, and perfectly filed. His eyebrows furrowed.

He looked himself over, taking a few steps back. His jaw dropped. There were a very real, very large pair of breasts on his chest, confined in a deep pink bra. He grabbed them in disbelief, stunned into silence.

“Homestar, what button did you push?” Strong Sad asked, finding his voice again. The athlete tapped his fingers together. “...frappe. Just like you said. But I might of... held down the … whip button, too.”

Strong Sad slapped his forehead. “You idiot! You just caused some drastic changes to the universe! Now I have to go do some calculations to figure out how to _safely_ deconstruct and reconstruct the universe back to the way it's supposed to be.” He stomped out of the room.

“Sorry about this, Strong Bad,” Homestar said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry?” Strong Bad repeated, breaking out into a grin. “Are you _freakin' kidding me?_ This is awesome.”

Homestar looked down at him. “...it is?”

“Oh hell yeah!” Strong Bad continued to check out his new body. “I'm hot. Go get a camera, man. Do you know what this is? It's free porn. Free customizable porn.”

He started undoing his bra and Homestar covered his eyes, face going red. “I can't. I g-got a girlfriend, I can't take pictures of you being all... you know.”

“For all you know, in this universe Marzipan's a dude,” Strong Bad pointed out. He spent some time admiring his new breasts. “Besides, what happens in an alternate universe stays in an alternate universe. Now go get me my stupid camera.”

Homestar was gone for a while-- along with Strong Bad's gender, the basic layout of the house seemed to have changed, making finding the camera a bit of a challenge.

Strong Bad put his hands on his hips when he returned. “What took you so long?” he demanded, slipping his tights off. Homestar nearly dropped the camera to cover his eyes.

“Don't be such a prude,” Strong Bad snickered. He slipped his boots back on and twirled around. “I'm ready for my closeup, Mister DeMille.”

Homestar raised an eyebrow. “You're leaving the boots on?”

“What?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “It's hot. You can't tell me a naked girl isn't ten times hotter when she puts on a pair of heels. It's simple math.”

“You certainly are hot,” Homestar mused, looking him over. Strong Bad snapped his fingers.

“Hey hey hey, eyes up here, bucko.”

“How am I supposed to play photographer if I can't... you know, look?” Homestar asked irritably.

“There's a difference between looking and leering. You don't get to leer. If you had turned into a super hot girl, you could leer at yourself, but since these are my tits they are my property and I forbid you from enjoying yourself,” Strong Bad explained. He stood in front of the wall and spread his legs. “Get shooting.”

Homestar wrinkled his nose. “That's the pose you're going with? What's sexy about that?”

Strong Bad self-consciously closed his legs. “What? It's plenty hot. Shut up, what do you know.”

“If I'm a photographer, that makes this a photoshoot. And you a model. So... just follow my lead.” He placed the camera down on the desk and reached for Strong Bad's leg. His hand was slapped away.

“Oh, you SO don't get to touch the merchandise,” Strong Bad snapped. Homestar smirked a bit.

“Oh shush, I'm just trying to make this hot. You can't just show off your goods. Porn tells a story. First you tease, then you reward. Now, may I get back to work?”

Strong Bad glared at him half-heartedly before he nodded. “Fine. A second opinion couldn't... hurt, I guess,” he muttered reluctantly. He jumped when Homestar edged his legs open just a sliver.

He held up the camera. “Hmm.” He lowered it. “Still a little tacky... ooh, I know. Put your hand on your crotch. Imply, then show, okay?”

“Give a guy a camera and suddenly he thinks he's an artist,” Strong Bad snorted, doing as he said. “There.”

Homestar rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away. “Yeah, no. Not like... that. More like...” He swallowed nervously and slipped his hand between Strong Bad's leg, fingers brushing the folds of (warm, soft) flesh. His face flushed bright red. “...like you're g-gonna play with yourself.”

Strong Bad raised an eyebrow at him. “I'm turning you on,” he said, realization in his voice. “I am, aren't I? Geez, Dorkstar, has Marzipan been holding out on your or something?”

His face went impossibly redder and he pulled a hand away, only to have Strong Bad grab his wrist and pull it back. “Maybe you should... demonstrate, mister photographer,” he smirked.

“...really?” Homestar asked, voice cracking nervously.

“Yeah, why not? I wanna see how bad you suck,” he snickered. Homestar scowled at him, determined now to prove his skills.

A single finger slipped past the flesh and slowly rubbed the outer folds, disappointed to find it fairly dry. He furrowed his brow, a bit annoyed. That had to change. He slowly dropped to his knees, watching for a protest from Strong Bad. He licked his lips. “Would you mind?”

“You really do that?” Strong Bad asked, raising an eyebrow. “Eugh, there is no way I'd e-e-e--” He shuddered and tensed up, biting his lip when Homestar ran a firm tongue between his legs.

“ _Woah_ , that should... that should ha... you should keep doing... that,” he stammered, almost giggling. The right mix of pleasurable and... ticklish, almost. He shuddered again when Homestar went in, more confident now that it was evident Strong Bad was enjoying himself.

He wriggled a tongue deeper into the folds, pushing past the outer layers and into the vaginal canal. He circled his tongue around Strong Bad's clitoris, pulling away when Strong Bad let out a cross between a moan and a pleasured whimper.

“So, do I 'suck'?” Homestar asked teasingly, when Strong Bad was sufficiently wet.

“In the best friggen way, _yes_ ,” Strong Bad sighed, gripping his shoulders for support. He was pretty sure his legs were going to give out. Homestar pushed himself up and leaned forward, lips colliding with Strong Bad's.

He hesitantly returned the gesture, the pleasant taste of... well, himself on Homestar's tongue and lips. Strong Bad squeaked and pulled away when Homestar's finger wiggled its way into his new vagina.

“Like I said, if you're gonna play with yourself, you gotta do it right,” Homestar whispered into his ear. Strong Bad bit down on his bottom lip, shuddering and squirming as the finger explored deeper into him. Homestar rubbed his inner walls and, _oh lord_ , a nail gently nudge his insides and that nearly drove him up the wall.

“G-girls totally get the b-better end of the stick,” he giggled. “This is a-awesome.”

“You're really tight,” Homestar mused. He kissed his neck and tried for a second finger, which caused Strong Bad to dig his nails into his shoulders painfully. He rested his head against Homestar's chest, practically melting into his arms.

“...awesome.”

Homestar pulled a hand from his shoulder and brought it to his stifled erection. Strong Bad snapped to attention and jerked his hand away. “Oh, _hell_ no.”

“So what, you don't mind getting eaten out or fingered but you won't even consider a hand job?” Homestar asked.

“There's... there's a difference,” Strong Bad defended. “You eating a girl out isn't gay. Me jerking a guy off is. There's no way I'm touching your junk, man, so just forget it.”

“You know, if you think two fingers feels good, you'd really love c--”

“Don't even SAY IT,” Strong Bad wretched, pushing him away. Homestar rolled his eyes, unimpressed.

“Hypocrite.”

“Not hypocritical, heterosexual. There's a difference. Just... trust me. Besides, what if I got... you know.” He shuddered, this time from being creeped out. “Eugh, no. No no no.”

“I could pull out,” Homestar shrugged. “I wouldn't come inside you if you didn't want me to.”

“I don't even wanna think about you coming, just... augh,” Strong Bad gagged. He started pacing, nervously rubbing his arms. “Eck. You totally killed all that awesome. I don't even know how you could ruin something like that but you managed. It's almost _impressive._ ”

“Fine, go back to being a pillow princess and I'll just eat you out,” Homestar huffed. “But I really need to get off. This whole thing's got me horny as hell.”

Strong Bad was oddly quiet at that. He looked over his shoulder. “...eating me out turned you on?”

“No, I stuffed a sock down my pants-- why do you think I got hard, genius,” he snorted, irritated.

There was more silence. Strong Bad trailed a finger between his legs, contemplating things. The tongue had felt _good_ , really good, and the fingers even better. Maybe something longer and... thicker wouldn't be so bad. He shuddered, still thoroughly weirded out by the idea.

“...I'll... try it,” Strong Bad said hesitantly. The words surprised the both of them-- he was fairly certain they'd get stuck in his throat, and the matter would go unresolved.

“Really?” Homestar asked, shocked. Strong Bad nodded slowly.

“Oh, _awesome_ ,” he purred, pushing him against the wall. Their lips locked together again as Homestar blindly fumbled to undo his jeans.

Strong Bad kept his eyes averted upwards, convinced that if he had to _look_ at it he'd chicken out. Looking at Homestar Runner's dick made Homestar Runner's dick _real_ , and he always sort of equated the idiot athlete with Ken (as in, 'Barbie and...'), smooth and genderless downstairs. He 'eeped' when Homestar edged his perfectly manicured hand to the erect organ, but still refused to look even as he started stroking his length.

Homestar again began fingering him, a single digit flicking and rubbing his clitoris while two others massaged and widened the canal in preparation for entry. A particularly pleasurable rub caused Strong Bad to unintentionally grip Homestar's member with sudden force. A chuckle escaped Homestar's throat and Strong Bad sort of hated him for it.

“You ready?”

Strong Bad lowered his eyes, glancing at Homestar's hardened length. It wasn't as big as he figured it would be (Homestar had a knack of 'beating' him in every other aspect of his life, dick size didn't seem like it would be the rare exception), but the idea of that inside him intimidated him.

But then... that's sort of what vaginas were _for_ , right? Homestar wasn't some enormous porn star with a ten inch dong, he was just a regular guy with a regular prick. Strong Bad's new genitalia was designed for dicks like that.

“It's not gonna... hurt, right?”

Homestar considered that. “...dunno. Maybe a little, at first... if this you's a virgin.”

“Please, you really think a hottie like this is a virgin?” Strong Bad snorted dismissively.

“Well, at any rate, if it hurts just... tell me, okay? I don't wanna hurt you.”

Strong Bad smiled affectionately. “Yeah yeah, don't get all mushy on me. I'm a big... girl, man. You wanna, I dunno, do this on the desk or something?”

Homestar considered it, a devious smirk on his lips. “Hm... you know, I've always wanted to try it against the wall.” He rapped his fingers against the plaster. “Always looks hot in those pornos, and you're so tiny. Probably not that heavy. I can totally lift you.”

“Hmm.” Strong Bad looked over his shoulder. “...fine.” He wrapped his arms around his neck and frowned. “But you better not drop me.”

“You're in safe hands,” Homestar assured him, hoisting up his partner's legs one by one. Strong Bad seemed sufficiently wedge between the wall and Homestar's waist, the erect organ's shaft pressed against Strong Bad's dripping folds. He bit his lip when Homestar pulled away to position the tip at his entrance, half horrified that he was going to fall and half horrified that that _thing_ was going to be inside him.

Strong Bad clawed his shirt, eyes scrunched tight as Homestar gently pushed into him. He slid in with some resistance (Strong Bad appeared to be clenching the muscles, the way one does when preparing for a booster shot at the doctor's), but, if anything, it made the motion that much more enjoyable.

“You okay?” Homestar asked, once he'd buried his length into Strong Bad. He had been suspiciously quiet, leg muscles tensed, his body quivering.

Strong Bad nodded, biting back a grin. “Y-yeah,” he manged, voice cracking. He grabbed his hair and jerked his head forward. Homestar blinked in confusion until Strong Bad managed smirked. “N-now get to work, nimrod.”

Homestar closed the gap between them with a kiss, pulling out of him halfway before he tested a light thrust. Strong Bad's arms tightened around his neck, his back arched, the kiss deepened. A half-squeak of pleasure escaped his throat and Homestar smiled into the kiss. Strong Bad, at least as a girl, made the cutest little sex noises. He was obviously trying to quiet himself, unwilling to admit the Homestar was pretty good at this 'sex' thing. It was endearing.

But Homestar made it his new goal to get him to be a bit more vocal-- in a good, 'call out my name' sort of way, and less of that 'verbal abuse' stuff. He repositioned his hands to Strong Bad's ass and thrust a bit harder, a bit faster. Strong Bad's thighs tightened around his hips, his ankles crossed and soon there was pressure against Homestar's legs-- Strong Bad was trying hard to pull him closer at the hips.

He broke the kiss and nibbled on his neck, finding a decent rhythm. He'd break it once in a while, speeding up just to coax a moan from Strong Bad.

Strong Bad tightened his grip on Homestar's hair, and bit down on his lower lip until he could taste a hint of blood. Homestar's hands were blindly groping his ass, his lips and teeth were assaulting his neck. The way he kept hitting him kept changing, sometimes forward, sometimes back, the friction felt _so good_. Homestar seemed like he was searching for something, and at one point he found it. Strong Bad wasn't even sure what _it_ was, but _it_ felt great.

He brought his lips to Homestar's ear. “D-do that again,” he whimpered, begging, dear God he'd never live that down. Homestar managed again in another two thrusts, and Strong Bad's self-imposed vow of silence was effectively broken. Whimpers, moans, purrs of 'good god _yes_ ' found their way past his lips. The occasional beg of 'harder, dammit' managed to escape every once in a while.

Between _it_ , the gravity forcing Homestar's longer-and-thicker-than-it-looks cock into him until it was completely encased in him, and Homestar's talented lips teasing his neck, Strong Bad had melted. If he hadn't been sure that girls got the better genitalia before, he certainly was now.

Homestar was pleased as punch. Strong Bad's new body was tight and responsive in all the right ways. The muscles clenched whenever Strong Bad would emit a pleasured gasp, or claw his back, or beg him ( _beg_ him) to fuck him harder. Those beautiful breasts bounced up with each thrust. It didn't get much better than that until Strong Bad moaned out his name.

Strong Bad sort of hated himself for it, but it felt right. He had that idiot to thank for this, after all. Him, that outstanding tongue, talented fingers and his delightful dick. He wasn't certain, but he was pretty sure he'd come already, once, maybe twice. Pleasure had wracked through him suddenly after Homestar hit _it_ the third or fourth time, and consistently every few minutes since then.

He pulled him into another kiss, a sort of thank you as far as he was concerned. Homestar's thrusts were getting shorter, harder, a pace he recognized from his own sexual experiences. He kissed his cheek, and licked his earlobe gently.

Homestar started to lower his legs but Strong Bad protested. “Nuh uh,” he whispered into his ear. Homestar'd come to a near halt at that. “Come inside me or not at all.”

There was hesitance until Strong Bad grinded his hips against his cock, and pulled his head away, a teasing smirk on his plush, pink lips. Fingers brushed through Homestar's sweaty, matted hair.

He was being serious. Homestar lunged forward, kissing him eagerly as he continued his feverish pace, encouraged by 'oh, _god_ 's and the occasional 'oh _Homestar_ '. Mere moments later, Homestar shuddered and something hot and wet flowed into Strong Bad. Now he was certain those previous would be-orgasms weren't the real thing, oh no, this was so much more enjoyable.

They stayed there, panting and swallowing for air. Homestar pulled out and lowered Strong Bad's legs to the ground, but he kept his arms around his neck, softly kissing whatever skin his lips could find.

Homestar sighed contentedly. He tilted Strong Bad's chin up, running a thumb over his lips.

“That was... adequate,” Strong Bad mused after a moment.

“Heh... if you liked that...” Homestar pushed him against the wall, smirking. “You should see me with a dude.”


End file.
